The Dating Experiment

I do not know why I let my sister talk me into these things. I am perfectly adept at observing humans, but engaging in genuine human behavior one-on-one is not an ability I have adapted.

My date with April was not a success by any standards. I did not have great hopes going into it—which my sister said is my problem—but I thought I could successfully get through the dating ritual and pass as human. Fortunately, I do not believe April has any reason to suspect my alien origins, even if she were to believe them to begin with, but I do not think I made a good impression.

My initial idea for this date would be to cook dinner for April, since I have become quite skilled in that area, but Madison insisted that a dinner at my home might be too forward for a first date, so I should take April out to dinner to some neutral location. I therefore chose a local restaurant called Michael’s that has a good selection of cuisine, and I took April there.

April is a lovely human female, I must admit, and quite intelligent. She is a teacher of physics at Madison’s school, and she received her degree at the California Institute of Technology, which is quite an accomplishment from what I understand. This is an area I have quite an interest and knowledge in, of course, and the general protocol in a date is to discuss topics of common interest.

This I failed to do.

I supposed I was concerned that too much talk of technology and education would reveal too much of my own knowledge and origins, which is unlikely, since I have never had trouble covering up such facts with my neighbors. Instead of following this line of conversation, I did not want to talk about myself, so I did what I assumed to be the next logical thing, to talk about her.

April is attractive by most human standards. Physically, she would be quite suitable to mother several children, and she has a very pleasant demeanor. All things, I am told, are quite desirable in a mate. And this is what I based out dinner conversation on. The conversation became less vibrant after that, and April was muted in her responses. I observed these behaviors and assumed there must have been something wrong with the food, which of course there was not, but I requested the waiter bring her something new anyway. She did not eat any of that, though.

It was at this point in the date that I realized that I was perhaps a little too blunt and impersonal in my approach. As I relayed the story later to my sister, she not only agreed, but added that I was being downright rude. “Rude” was not quite the word she used, it was something more profane, but I failed to get a proper definition from her.

The night ended quickly after that. I attempted to apologize for my bluntness, which she politely (if ingenuously) accepted. April continued to be polite for the remainder of the evening until I saw her home. I attempted to salvage the evening by turning the conversation to her education and my interest in science, without being too leading as to my true knowledge of the subject, but the attempt was ineffective.

Consider it a failed experiment. t is too bad really, as I did quite like April, as human females go. I certainly hope it does not affect my sister’s performance in school.