More on that crosswalk incident

I never could have guessed that a simple matter of condensation on a sidewalk could be the catalyst for a potential international incident.

As part of their strategy to help my fellow aliens assimilate into society, as well as curry their favor, the local government has allotted small but adequate sums of currency to the recent immigrants.  This is meant to help them get on their feet while they find a way to blend into society and contribute back to it.  My race is not used to the concept of money, and other than to pay for certain necessary living costs, we have little use for it as a means of consumption.  This means, we are not used to buying nice things.

The nice thing in question was a pair of suede shoes that a certain kinsman of mine purchased with specific instruction to not get them wet.  That combined with a very prominent puddle on the sidewalk caused him to cross the street at one of the more ill-conceived crossings.

As a side note, I wonder why so many streets have crosswalks between blocks.  They seem to cause more harm than good for people that are clearly too lazy to walk to the end of a block to cross the street.  In my opinion, an extra fifty paces could not be that strenuous.

In any case, the alien in question was confused as to when he was allowed to walk after another pedestrian started walking before he got a signal.  This confusion let to him not paying attention to another puddle that had formed in the crosswalk, and in his moment of panic he caused a traffic jam that was a little greater than most.  Fortunately, no accidents occurred.

This might not seem too bad, but the poor fellow was so panicked by the situation, he went out of his way to find the nearest peace officer to turn himself in for “breaking the rules.” The policeman was of course thoroughly confused by this man’s behavior, not knowing the nature of this person’s origin, so he took the man for an insane transient.

It took hours to sort out the mess until I was finally contacted, but it is still quite the legal and public relations mess to clean up, and my “friends” in the government assume I will take care of the situation.  For the sake of my brethren, I have to, but one of these days something actually bad will happen, and I do not know how I will take care of that on my own.

Unrest

Some of my alien brethren have been having a difficult time adjusting to life on Earth.  They have my sympathies.  Despite my perception to the contrary, I had my own difficulties adjusting to human life, and I was considered an expert on Earth culture.  I also had what I now realize was an advantage, that being my little sister.  Madison had such an easy time adjusting, and there were only the two of us to think of, I was forced to absorb human culture.

These new refugees are quite a bit more resistant to the idea of assimilating to Earth society.

Fortunately, the primary issue does not have to do with my brethren following the very carefully mandated rules the local government has laid down.  Out kind generally has an easy time with facts and parameters as long as they are clear.  So the local laws are not at all difficult for us to follow, nor would they be resistant to them.  As with myself, it is always the vagaries of human behavior and their constant need to “bend the rules” to serve their needs that causes problems with how we are used to behaving.

For example, a surprising amount of new aliens are having a heck of a time with crosswalk signs.  “Walk” and “Don’t Walk” indicators are clear enough, but when the traffic around them does not follow those simple rules, it can cause incidents.  More specifics on this later, but I have been spending a great deal of my spare time cleaning up these traffic messes.  I am also having to deal with lawyers for the first time.  Again, I appreciate the need to uphold the rigidity of the law, but these lawyers (as well as politicians, I am finding) have a way of making these very clear rules much less rigid.

No Good Deed

It has been a week since my last post, and I am glad to report that I am still alive. I am only barely there, but I am alive nonetheless.

Happily, I managed to pull off a successful Valentine’s Day with April. After much worrying, my sister finally too pity on me and reminded me that “girls like flowers.” So I had a dozen red roses delivered to April during the day, and I took her out to a quaint local restaurant for dinner. With all my worrying, I was glad to find that was all April really wanted after all.

We did have a tense moment when she started to see through my indecision. I of course wanted everything to be perfect, so I always prefer a solid plan to last minute decisions, and I think it showed.

Despite my success on Valentine’s Day, I believe the gods of this world (or whatever superstition you would like to choose) have it out for me. Whether it was some bit of food or alcohol or someone I came in contact with, I woke up on Wednesday morning completely incapacitated by illness.

I could go through the long list of unpleasant symptoms I exhibited over the course of the next few days, but the list, as I said, is long. And unpleasant.

The worst part was both April and Madison had school, so I was left on my own for a majority of the days I was home. I will admit that I spent most of this time either in the bathroom or asleep in bed, so there was not much that either of them could have done, but I would have appreciated the moral support.

April later pointed out that this is flu season and something is going around the school. This does not make me feel any better about working within what amounts to a germ farm. I honestly do not know how humans do it. People get these viruses so often that there are seasons for them. If such a thing were a regular occurrence on my home world, a pandemic would be declared and our entire system would be quarantined.

I suppose that is one more advantage humans have should other aliens decide to invade again. Though biological warfare has been outlawed, there can be no preparing for natural contagions in the environment. I am glad I am on their side.

Monday the 13th

In my recent discussion of human superstition, I learned about the fear of Friday the 13th, but I believe the more accursed day must be today, Monday the 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day.

April has been very anxious (and has therefore been making me very anxious) about our Valentine’s Day plans. I regret to say that I still have no solid plan in place for tomorrow, and it is only a few hours away. It is said that fear can be palpable. This cannot be any more true than when facing the wrath of a woman. April is going to kill me if I do not think of something fast.

To be clear, the phrase “going to kill me” is not used in hyperbole. April knows my true identity and can bring about all manner of harm, some of which I cannot imagine.

If you never hear from me again, you know why.

Modern Warfare

As you may know, yesterday was the annual occurrence of one of the great cultural touchstones in North American human society, The Super Bowl.

As you may not know, which I was very surprised to learn myself, April hates the Super Bowl. Not only does she not care to watch the sport of football, but she finds the ceremony surrounding the bowl game tedious. This all made for a very awkward Sunday when I assisted my neighbors Charles and Alice in hosting their annual Super Bowl party.

I will admit, I am not familiar with the teams, so I had no investment in who was playing, but I find the cultural event fascinating. The game of football itself is a wonderfully adept interpretation of classical warfare, with one side gaining or losing ground to their opponent until they reach their goal. Also, the social aspect is unparalleled in showing the community and rivalry in human nature. Then, there is the commerce. I do quite enjoy the fuss around all these commercials.

Admittedly, I can understand April’s point about the futility of it all to some degree. I suppose if one does not care for the game, this being a matter of pure taste, that the point of attending a day long event in celebration of that game is meaningless.

Still, this did take away my time from April over the weekend, and I later realized that it has been exactly one year since our first kiss, an anniversary that it apparently quite important to her. Not that it is not meaningless to me as well, but I am not used to marking time in such a way. She has not expressed so, but she seems to be looking for some indication of what my plans to celebrate Valentine’s Day with her are. This I still need to figure out, so I have been attempting to avoid the subject. I am hoping I can come up with something unique in order to surprise her.

Romance is complicated. Football is not.