Squirrels

You cannot trust squirrels. Of all the various species on this planet, I hypothesize that squirrels are the most nefarious. I have very little evidence to back this suspicion up, but I have that twinge of feeling that humans call a hunch. Perhaps it is their uncanny resemblance to the Guild Founders on Sagittarius A, but perhaps it is unfair to stereotype.

Certainly, they appear friendly enough, even cute by earth standards, but if you look closer, they are untrustworthy thieves at best, and much smarter than they are letting on.

All I know is, I was enjoying a relaxing day of golf--a game that my neighbor has been kind enough to introduce me to--and we were regularly vexed by the presence of squirrels. Since the point of golf is to hit a very small ball with a large club across a great distance in attempt to land it inside a hole, the challenge is always to find the ball after hitting it. I am not exaggerating when I say that on approximately half of the holes, we spotted a squirrel attempting to or successfully stealing one of my balls.

Yes, now that I think, each time they went after my ball. If they failed to steal a ball, the squirrel or squirrels (as they sometimes traveled together) attempted to steal something else out of our cart, including a bag of corn snacks, which I have become quite fond of.

I am quite unsettled by the notion they are targeting me because they may have learned the truth that no one else around me has discovered yet. However, I am further unsettled by the thought that, as my neighbor James said, "They do this all the time." He insisted I not take it personally, but should the case be that the squirrels are not personally attacking me, it can only mean that there is a larger conspiracy at hand.

If they steal that many golf balls or other items from patrons of the course on a daily basis, where do they take them? I have theorized that they must dwell close by and underground.

Also, if their lair is big enough to house all that, and they are clearly smart enough to outwit recreational golfers on a regular basis, what else could be down there?

I must study the squirrels more.