Greetings Earthlings

My sister says I need to get out more. That’s easy for her to say. She’s 16 and about to start senior year in high school. She’s also adapted much more quickly here than I have. Let me explain. My name is Carter, I’m 30 years old and starting a new life in a new place, and I am an alien.

When I say alien, I mean a visitor from another planet, what you would call little green men from Mars. I’m not green of course, and I’m not really Martian either, but for sake of simplicity, let’s just say I am. Though don’t tell that to any of my Martian friends. They’re friendly enough, Martians. Boy, do they like to drink. But they can be pretty mean drunks, too. Lucky for you, they’re about the size of fairy flies because you wouldn’t want to mess with their intergalactic battle fleet.

But don’t worry about me. I come in peace, as they say. I got stuck here as a result of a failed mission to… well, it’s a long story. Anyway just me and my little sister now, and we’re trying to eek out a little life for ourselves.

Madison—that’s my sister—she loves it here, of course. She’s a teenager, at least in earth years, though she is far more advanced than anything she can be taught in some high school. But we have to blend in a little.

It was her idea that I write this blog. She actually thinks that I need to start dating. That’s the word she used, anyway. Dating. She tried posting a profile for me on one of those websites that uses countless parameters of psychological profiling to match you to you’re ideal mate, but what am I going to say to an earth woman? I’m an eligible alien bachelor performing an anthropological study on the mating rituals of humans, and do you mind being the vessel for my unborn spawn so that we can perpetuate my species. No? Well, that charms the females back home just fine.

This blog was a good compromise. I’m supposed to be collecting data on the history and habits of earth creatures anyway. At least, as my sister put it, it would seem like I was talking to someone instead of just transmitting out into the void.

Now, you may be wondering, shouldn’t I be afraid that I’ll be found out by posting a blog about being an alien? Won’t the government try to hunt me down and cut me up into tiny pieces or something? Well, why would they want to do that? Any government Martian hunters that would actually believe me and be interested in me have known I’ve been here long enough, and they’ve got bigger fish to fry. The way I see it, anyone that would read this blog I’m sure would pass it off as a simple piece of fantasy. And any unstable attention seekers that would believe it, wouldn’t know what to do with me if they did find me.

So, here it is. A document of my experience here on earth, and any oddities I find absolutely fascinating about your funny little world. Like humus. I don’t know what it is, but that is some tasty stuff.

Greetings Earthlings, my name is Carter, and I am an alien.